So in my however many years of learning I have stumbled across a teacher/analyst who appears to be in every way possible, opposite to me!!! Wow! 3 times I have made comments in a group setting, 3 times she shut me down and told me not to be caught up in detective work!! Today, for the second time in a row she singled me out….
‘We must not get caught up in investigation and deal with what the patient brings to us, use what we already have’
I felt very small. Aside from the instantaneous embarrassment of being ‘wrong’ again (in her eyes) I started to develop an eagerness to continue to put forth my point of view…. Why???? Of course, I am not disregarding her feedback, at the end of the day she is the professional and not me…… BUT….. I think she has been misunderstanding me, and I have not been expressing myself well… I realised this afternoon I asked a direct question that requires a yes or no answer but I did not develop my reasoning for the question (partly due to her not allowing me to) … Instead I asked a seemingly random question and then fell silent.
I pledge from this day forward to have more belief in my interpretations, to not feel embarrassed because at the end of the day I am a trainee, I need to use this time to the best of my ability to make mistakes… Most of all I shouldn’t be afraid to express myself and discover who the heck I am.