My number 1 new years resolution this year is to try to train myself to NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS based on my own projections. Quite often I feel like I assume random, perhaps logical, things about people and situations. I don’t like this. Both for personal and professional reasons. I feel like it is a bad habit. With little to go on my mind starts to over work about why a particular situation maybe the way it is, why, what, who, where… I feel like it only serves to take away from the experience of the person or the event. As if I try to tell someones story for them, without hearing it from them. I do take note that, there may be a time where assumptions, or rather associations and interpretations would be helpful… But I want to work on not doing it in the first instance of conversations.
An example of what I mean:
Staying at friends house one weekend. My friend and her partner are very active individuals. On one morning my friend had to go in for a shift at work and left early, leaving myself, my partner and her partner. Through out the morning I thought I could hear movement in the house. My partner slept beside me. I, awake earlier sat reading. When my partner woke and was tip toeing and whispering about the place I said, ‘Not to worry, i think partner X has already been up and gone for a run this morning.’ At this point I was quite convinced of my story, although I had very little to go on. Only the fact that I could hear random sounds, which I assumed were the movements of a man getting ready for a run, and the fact that the man in question was an athlete. So given these two details, he obviously woke up early and went for a run.Might I add here that waking up early and starting the day with a run may be one of my all time favourite things to do. I was up early but neglected to bring my gym kit with me, hence the reading. [this makes me think now that it may be an interplay between projections and assumptions about the other, based on my own state of mind]
When we all eventually woke and bathed, the three of us met in the kitchen. Having a casual chat in the kitchen the topic of his morning run came up. ‘No he said, with a quizzical look upon his face. Ive been in bed all morning.’ I was instantly annoyed with myself.
I work on a work as a Health Care Professional and one of my long standing, good friends is a Staff Nurse on the same ward. Whilst we have, without words, negotiated the intricacies of our relationship as friends and then as professionals I feel like sometimes the issues of her being in a higher position of authority than I reveals itself.
A few days ago I was coming on for a night shift, my friend/colleague asked me to do a particular job overnight. When she returned for the early shift in the morning I let her know, in a charismatic, proud to have completed the task kind of way, that I had done what she had asked.
She looked (I felt) disinterested in my news. I was slightly taken aback. And instantly put it on the fact that perhaps I was too friendly with her and she was here as a staff nurse, with other staff nurses and couldn’t be seen to be mingling or associating with one such health care assistant. So, I packed my bags and left her to it.
10 mins down the line I received a call from her asking if I was home. Affirmative. She said she had fallen off her bike and hit her head on the way in from work and she is feeling rather queazy. Could I come and pick her up?
See what I mean about ASSUMPTIONS or PROJECTIONS of your own wishes and insecurities.
Do others know what I mean by this? Do you have your own examples?