I’m currently sitting in an airport terminal.. I’ve been thinking about writing down my thoughts all day!! I’ve finally procrastinated enough, walked up and down the tiny airport, had some food, bought some goodies to take back home, toiletted twice… etc.. sitting down.. having somewhat digested the events of the weekend.. let me do my best to make sense of them here with you! 
Bad feelings surrounded this trip from the beginning.. it was a friend from University’s Hen do in another European city.. aside from not knowing anyone and never having been to the city I just felt uneasy.. 

Post trip.. there are various things that have discombobulated my brain!! 

My main conflict however, lies in the notion of individuality. Reading up on the word, an individualistic society and individualism; it seems to be a moral standing that requires one to look inside ones self and thrive as an individual BUT for the greater good… so… this leaves me confused.. 

On a trip with 6 reasonably level headed women… all rather individualistic… there was no point in time that I felt that each of the parts were moving in the direction of the greater good of us?!!! 

People clearly, through out the weekend had their own expectations, wants and needs for the weekend and these subtitles silently simmered under the surface of every decision and alliance that was made.

Those that wanted to drink bunched together, those that wanted to party bunched together, those that wanted to spend as little as possible banded together… and time and time again I felt myself on the outside, a lonely traveller…. but my poor ability to form alliances based on wants and needs is not the main focus of this.. 

This idea.. which I can’t put a name for, because individualism doesn’t seem fitting… but it would be something along those lines of individuality something.. It has made me wonder what compelled 1/3 of the group to arrive at different times and also leave at different times.. leaving one day of the weekend the only possible day for city exploration.. why was it ok to leave people to go their own way? Why not remain as a group and gather everyone’s needs and ideas together and come up with the best plan?? Why ?? When a suggestion that you don’t gel with is made you are silent, but then whisper with your new found comrade and together dominate the thinking of the group to cater to your own needs… time and time again.. 
Am I the individual? Trying to be individualistic with an individualism state of mind, clashing with these collectivists that band together and silently creep here and there to get what they want?!? 

Spending this weekend with all these dominant but massively passive characters really drained my capacities!!! Even in typing away at this I feel confused…

It also makes me sad… because we all came together for one weekend, for one purpose but no one was able to actually commit to the purpose.. everyone was still very much caught up in their own lives with their own thoughts to be able to sit back and consider themselves as a mere cog in a machine that could possibly not function as good as it can be if everyone wasn’t contributing and thinking too.. who knows?? Maybe if we go to your concert I might enjoy it and be pleasantly surprised… maybe also if you come to my suggestion of art exhibition the same may apply for you.. 

I wonder if I’m speaking sense…

But it’s something I have experienced on a number of holidays with UK friends.. the classic, classic situation of someone deciding that they want something and not at all for one second being interested in what you might want, or meeting at the middle.. “I want a burger for lunch, so do you want to go and get your stuff and we can meet back at the hotel?” <<<< I don’t get it???? Why did we organise a trip together for 2 days if we are going to spend dinner apart?? Which kind of makes up like nearly half of the experiences we have at our disposal??? 
Once, when waking with friends in a valley we came to a cross roads.. a mere diversion in a path, one lower and one higher.. one individual decided her way was the way to go, convinced her partner and proceeded on her route while the group was standing around trying to figure it out together.. she turned back and said you guys decide I’m doing this, I think it’s best?!?!? Where on earth was she going?? When she gets to the same place that we are all headed and she is there alone (albeit with the partner)… what is she going to do then?? 

Would it have been so terrible to go a longer way and walk an extra 15 minutes more than you needed too?? Isn’t that what makes a group trip so fun??? The group mistakes? Group endeavours? Group benefits? Group mistakes? >>> where did I go wrong?

One more example… volunteering in Calais before the Paris attack at the concert hall.. my bed had tics!!! It was fucken horrendous… no one gave a fucking damn about my conundrum.. we were in Calais!!!! Helping refugees, for this ‘greater good’ and my friends could-not-care-less! (Of course to a certain extent, I am slightly exaggerating about the caring less part…. but I did certainly feel like someone could give me a hand here, they just kinda left me to my own devices and were there to be a listening ear rather than practical support!?!?) 

Does anyone get what I’m trying to say here??